Nativity Story by AX
by Umeko
Summary: AX puts up a Christmas pageant. What can go wrong? Try everything...


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.

AX is in the Vatican. Vatican is Catholic and definitely celebrate Christmas. AX is putting up a Nativity pageant or rather anything that can go wrong with a pageant.

**Nativity Story by AX**

"How the hell did we end up doing the Nativity pageant this year for the College of Cardinals? I feel like a weirdo in this get-up," a dark-skinned priest adjusted his turban.

"Well, the Inquisition swore off their annual Christmas pageant after that riot last year. So Cardinal Caterina volunteered to take over from where they left off…" an Albionian priest replied. He was dressed in a toga-like outfit.

"Damn. It was Petros' fault for trying to impale me… and that death-bitch tried to fillet me."

"You started it first by making off-colour, and some might say blasphemous, remarks about Sister Paula's virginity, when she was acting the role of the Virgin."

"Hush, we will be on soon…" Abel warned his fellow actors. The entire Vatican, not only the cardinals, were out there watching. Every priest, nun, monk and soldier in the Shining City must be out there. The Crusnik felt the first flutters of stage fright.

Their stage manager, Sister Noelle, came bustling along to make last minute adjustments to their costumes before curtains up.

"Five minutes, five minutes to curtains," Tres droned.

"Noelle, I can't go out like this…" Abel whined.

"Come on, Abel. You look terrific!" she adjusted the wings. "The Annunciation is the first scene. So you got to go up now."

"Noelle, I am going on stage before the entire Vatican in nothing but a halo, loin cloth and a pair of wings," Abel whimpered.

"Get moving!" Noelle shoved Abel over to where Tres waited with the wires and harness. The android clipped the harness onto Abel and he was hoisted up off his feet.

"Good luck, Father," Sister Esther waved to him from below as Tres raised him up high above the stage.

Thus started the pageant… "_A long time ago in the city of Nazareth, Galilee, there dwelt a pure young washerwoman named Mary_…" Father William's clear voice narrated as the curtains rose. Esther aka Virgin Mary stood on the stage holding a washing board. "_God sent the angel Gabriel down_…" Abel whimpered as the stage apparatus lowered him downwards. He began his speech to the Virgin.

"_D-do not be-be afraid…" _

"Should we have used holographic projection?" Sister Kate asked her fellow knight. Fear was written all over Abel's face.

"Nope, the hologram would not show up well for the audience…" Father William whispered and shook his head as they watched Abel stutter out his lines. Thus was the restriction of current technology.

"_T-thou sha-shalt b-bear a S-son and h-his name shall be_- Yikes!" Abel yipped as there was a sudden gust of wind that sent him swaying. There was a twitter of laughter from the audience. The same gust also loosened Abel's costume. He made a desperate grab to save his modesty.

Esther's eyes bugged out as the loin cloth fluttered down to earth. Abel was revealed in his naked glory to all.

"Curtains! Curtains!" Sister Noelle hastily signalled to Tres.

"AAIIIEEE! You perverted priest!" Esther lifted the washboard and whacked the hapless Abel with it as he twirled in mid-air. A ripple of chuckles ran through the crowd. The pope chuckled into his hand while his sister shook her head in disbelief. As the curtain crashed down, Sir William calmly continued his narration, glossing over the Annunciation and wedding of Joseph and Mary. Behind the curtains, members of AX disentangled Abel from his harness.

* * *

"_It came about that all the peoples of the empire were to be counted. Thus, Joseph and his young wife, Mary, returned to the town of Bethlehem. They found no room for the night for all the inns were full…" _

The curtain lifted and Father Vaclav pulled a wooden donkey on wheels on which a pregnant-looking Esther was perched. _"By and by they found a room in a stable all-forlorn…" _Esther dismounted with Vaclav's aid. There was an ominous tinkling sound as she did so. Vaclav and Esther peered at the floor between Esther's feet as she lifted up the hem of her costume. The Baby Jesus doll she had secreted under her robe lay shattered on the stage.

_"In the stable, cold and dark, our Lord was born…"_

Vaclav hurriedly signed to Noelle off-stage for a replacement.

"They broke the doll, we need one pronto!" Father Leon dashed off. Sister Noelle ordered the lights dimmed on the stable set.

"Let's move on to the Shepherds… Where's Hugue?" she scurried off to find their missing shepherd while Tres readied Abel for his next appearance.

"Hugue, you're up… Oh no!" Noelle found Hugue in the corridor behind the stage covered with blood and standing over the unconscious bodies of some Inquisition guards. "What happened?"

As usual Hugue did not reply. "Come on, you're up!" Noelle wiped the blood off Hugue's face and shepherd costume the best she could. They had allocated him the role with the least lines.

Everyone laughed the moment Abel appeared on stage stuttering out his lines and mangling most of them. Even Hugue had a slight smile of amusement as he tried to act the part of a terrified shepherd. Nothing ever seemed to faze the blond priest. He could not act scared to save his life! Caterina shook her head. Maybe she had been too hasty in volunteering her team for the pageant. It was an absolute disaster!

* * *

Backstage, Leon came running in from outside. "Here's the baby!" Leon returned with a little bundle.

"Er, Leon… the baby is black…" Noelle stared at the baby doll in Leon's arms.

"Black, white, brown, yellow… who cares? Baby is still baby…"

"But Jesus is not black, he's Middle Eastern…" Noelle protested.

"Yeah? The baby doll you got earlier had blond curls…." Leon started. "I nicked it from the convent of Haitian Sisters as they haven't rigged their Nativity deco to an alarm system yet…"

"Sorry to interrupt, but we really need that baby now," Vaclav rushed backstage and snatched the doll from Leon. He handed the baby to Esther who nestled it into the straw of the manger. The spotlight fell on the manger. There was a gasp of bewilderment and amazement as the audience realized the baby doll in the manger was black. The murmur of unease died off when Esther took the doll up and held it to her breast so that the little black face was hidden from the audience. The shepherd Hugue knelt stoically in adoration of the infant saviour.

* * *

Sister Kate took over the narration as the Magi emerged onstage. _"Three wise men from the East spotted a bright star and followed it to Bethlehem…"_

Father Leon, Father Tres and Father William stepped forward to offer their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Father William's robe dragged behind him in a long train as she strode forward with his gift of gold. There was an ominous ripping sound.

"Oops, sorry old chap…" Leon muttered to William apologetically as he presented the frankincense. The Hispanian had stepped on the trailing end of the Albionian's robe and torn it. William felt a cold wind hit him in the nether regions. His Union Jack boxers were revealed to all behind him. Laughter rang through the audience at the sight as the Magi presented their gifts. William beat a hasty retreat as soon as he was able to. Even Sister Kate sounded like she was giggling.

"Guys, get me down from here…" Abel whined from high above the stage. "Get me down right now!" the forgotten angel waved to the Magi.

"Negative. Pulley failure will take estimated 60 minutes to fix…" Tres droned in his monotone.

"An hour?" Abel blanched. "I am stuck here for an hour? Help! Esther… Help…"

"_And Man will live forever more because of Christmas day…"_ The curtains fell to applause from the audience. Caterina readied herself to give AX the biggest dressing-down ever. They had made a mockery of the Nativity pageant. "Sis…" Alessandro was still giggling when he plucked at her sleeve. Francesco looked at Caterina with triumph. AX was ruined.

"I liked the play… Could you go it again next year, please?" the boy pope said meekly. Francesco's jaw dropped. Caterina allowed herself to smile.

"Of course, Your Holiness."

* * *

"Leon, you are a hazard!" Esther replaced her wimple.

"Well, look who's talking, Miss Butterfingers…" Leon retorted. "Now I better return this black baby to the sisters."

"Help, get me down…" Abel whined. "I feel cold…" He flapped his arms.

"We are working on it," Noelle reassured him as Tres and William toggled with the controls.

William pressed a button here and there on the panel. "Almost there… oops…"

"Argh!" CRASH!

"Damage report, Father Abel," Tres droned as he stood over the crumpled form of Abel on the stage.

"I'm ok… I'm ok…" Abel murmured. "Need tea… 13 cubes."

"On it," Esther hurried off.

"Your Eminence…" Vaclav bowed. Cardinal Caterina swept backstage in a whirl of red satin and curls. Everyone braced themselves for the coming storm.

"His Holiness loved the play. We have the job again next year…" the cardinal announced with a smile.

"Nnooo!" Abel wailed. He fainted.

"Tea, Your Eminence?" Esther wheeled the tea trolley in and over the unconscious priest, not seeing that he was lying there.

**Author's Notes:**

The Nativity pageant is a staple for many schools, churches etc at this time of the year. This is a summary of somethings that can go wrong.

Credits:

Director/ Stage - Sister Noelle Bor

Narration - Father William W Wordsworth & Sister Kate Scott

Archangel Gabriel - Father Abel Nightroad

Virgin Mary - Sister Esther Blanchett

St Joseph - Father Vaclav Havel

Shepherd - Father Hugue de Watteau

Magi 1 - Father William W Wordsworth

Magi 2 - Father Leon Gracia de Asturias

Magi 3 - Father Tres Iqus


End file.
